Jam Stained Shirts and Chocolate Addicts
by Atreyl
Summary: Everything for Matt changes when BB and Mello step into his life. Pranks, fights, and crossdressing follow, and in the end, Matt has to choose between the two geniuses. Tch, as if making references to Twilight wasn't bad enough.
1. Newcomers

**I'm terrible for starting a new multi-chaptered fic even though as we speak, I've got about five others running. But I heard of BB's challenge-which was to write a BxMxM story- and they gave me a new pet plot bunny, no matter how much they deny that. xD**

**So, I present to you...**

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* * *

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**Jam-Stained Shirts and Chocolate Addicts  
**

Matt:

It was five o'clock in the morning. I was perched on the wide sill of my window, pressing my cheek against the cool glass, eyes glued to my PSP. Really, the only reason I was up this early-usually on Saturdays I'd oversleep until about one in the afternoon- was because of the new game L had sent to me as an early Christmas present. It was Tekken 5, only one of the best fighting games out there.

I belted out some curse words as I lost a fight, glad that I didn't have some bossy roommate to yell at me not to cuss. Ah, solitude had its perks, considering I was currently second place in Wammy's most anti-social and introverted kids. Near was in first place. That albino always has a toy with him, probably even in a shower(and you can insert a weird face here).

So I was sitting there, frowning at the big 'YOU LOSE' on my PSP. Damn Asuka... She was a fuckin' bitch with a loudmouth.

Something outside the window caught my eye. It was a sleek, black limo, and I wouldn't had been surprised if two American flags popped out near the front. The door to the passenger seat opened, and a brown-haired man came out, carrying some passed-out teenager in his arms. Following the man was another teenager, this one screaming angrily, cussing every few words. "LET HIM GO! AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE'S HURT, I'LL KILL YOU!" he yelled, or something like that. It was hard to tell; the glass muffled it.

My interest piqued, I tossed my PSP onto my bed, grabbed my sleeveless hoodie and slipped it on. I decided against wearing shoes and instead stayed wearing socks, exiting my room and walking down the hallway to the staircase that led to the front door. In the distance I heard the big doors open and the scream continuing: "_Hey! _Do you hear me? I motherfucking swear, I swear, I'll shove a whole jar of jam down your throat if he gets a scratch? Hear me? HEY!"

I bit back a chuckle as neared the staircase, quickening my pace. Apparently, the people were moving fast, because soon, the screaming died down. I reached the end of the staircase to find that the lobby was empty.

I groaned out loud. Maybe I really should start working out.

Psh. Yeah, right.

I slid down the big hallways, listening for a kid wildly screaming. I passed the Playroom, where the door was cracked. Inside I caught a glimpse of Near with his robot. I passed the Commons, seeing some of the older kids watching TV. I stopped in front of the kitchen, skidding on my sock-covered feet. I made my way to a boy who was looking murderous. I was going out on a limb here, but I had a feeling he'd been the one screaming earlier.

"Hey." I sat down in front of him, eyeing a muffin that sat innocently by the kid's elbows. I noticed he was wearing a plain white long-sleeved shirt, with something stained like what looked to be blood. Then I smelled jam, and with relief, I figured it was not blood.

"They took him," the guy was wailing. "They said they're going to fix him up, but who knows? This could be a fucking mental hospital for all I know, and they're going to admit us in."

I blinked. "_I'm _not mental."

The guy ignored me. "And guess what they make me do? They make me sit in here 'like a good boy,' give me a damn muffin to eat-" he angrily took a bite out of the muffin and slammed it down, "-and decide I'll obey them?" His eyes flared. "Little sons of bitches, I'll show them. Hey, kid, want to help me?" Oh, so _now _he notices me.

But still, I nodded. "I really think you should be admitted to a mental hospital, but okay. What do we do?" I got up right beside him.

He gave me a sour look at my comment. "Whatever." He brushed past me. "Common sense tells me they'd be in the infirmary. C'mon, for all we know, Mello could be getting skinned."

"What's wrong with 'Mello?'" I asked.

"Hypothermia."

"So...you think they're going to skin him for that?"

"They're sick, so who knows, really?"

"Right." I decided this person was insane. "We're here." I paused in front of the white door that led to the infirmary.

The teenager quietly put a hand to the doorknob, pushing it open a crack. I felt weird at the sudden silence.

He looked at me finally. "We'll wait until they're gone, and then we'll sneak in. After that, you look for any medical supplies that could help with hypothermia, and you hand them over. I'll do the rest."

Somehow, this all sent a thrill down my spine and I eagerly nodded. It was like being spies or something. As we stopped to hide at a turn in the hallway, I sat down with my back against the wall and asked, "So who're you?"

The teenager looked down at me distrustfully. "BB," he answered.

"I assume you're not going to tell me what that stands for," I said.

"You assumed correct," he answered truthfully.

"I'm Matt." I made room for him as he sat next to me. "What happened?"

BB stared ahead for a long time, and finally replied, "We were fine, really. We lived off in the woods surrounding this place-not that we knew this was here- until last night."

I remembered it rained really hard.

"Mello got sick," BB continued. "We didn't have shelter; after all, we weren't expecting it to rain. By dawn, Mello could barely get up, and he was coughing a lot, and he kept complaining that he was cold. So I carried him for a while until we came to this road. Unfortunately, a limo was just passing by and the driver saw two kids and thought we were homeless. So this old man-"

Probably Mr. Wammy, I thought.

"-takes us in, and he has the nerve to bring us here and take Mello from me." BB shut his mouth, as if afraid to tell me anymore.

"Who's Mello?" I prodded.

"My best friend. We're practically brothers; about a year ago, we were neighbors with abusive parents. We ran away together and had been fine since." He paused. "Why am I telling you this?"

I began to say a sarcastic remark until the sound of the door opening interrupted me, and BB stood up sharply. "Let's go," he whispered, seemingly forgetting the conversation that just happened. I followed him to the infirmary, nonetheless, and after making sure no one else was in there, we sneaked in. BB made his way to a bed in the far right corner of the white room, where another boy with striking blond hair was laying.

"Mels, you okay?" BB was murmuring. "Did they hurt you?"

Suddenly, the teenager's eyes blinked open and his mouth twisted into a wry smile. "Stop being so protective, B. It makes me feel inferior to you."

"I take it you're okay?"

"I'm cold." A sniff.

"Here, I'll get you another blanket."

For a moment, as I stood there dumbly in the doorway, I wondered what I'd just gotten myself into. And then, something inside of me said that whatever it was, it'd probably make things more interesting for me.

So when 'Mello' turned his head and gave me a confused look, I bit back a grin and helped BB fix him up.

* * *

**The ages, by the way, are as follows:**

**Matt: 14**

**Mello: 14, about to turn 15**

**BB: 16**

**Opinions? **

**.A  
**


	2. Declarations of Love

Matt:

Nearly a week later, Mello and BB were officially orphans of the Wammy House(all I knew was that they were self-taught geniuses). Though BB was still distrustful of everyone(besides me, it seemed), Mello seemed to be enjoying himself and got along with others fairly well, except that when it came to games, if he lost, he threw a tantrum.

"When do you think he'll calm down?" I asked curiously, eyeing Mello in the corner of the room. His back was to me, blond head bobbing up and down as he repeatedly slammed it into the wall.

BB snorted beside me. "Who knows? The brat will learn to eventually suck it up and deal with it." The tip of his tongue stuck out in the corner of his mouth as he pressed more buttons on his PS3 controller. "Ha! Matt, your Alisa-robot-thingy is getting pummeled to the ground!"

My attention was hooked back on our game of Tekken 6. I was losing until I finally got out of BB's character's hold(he was playing Leo) and fired missiles from Alisa's wrists. Leo's life went down nearly halfway, leaving a small sliver of red in his life bar. It flashed, signaling he was near dying and would now deal greater damage to my character.

"You guys aren't paying attention to me!" Mello whined from his corner.

"Goddammit!" BB yelled as Leo flew backwards from the impact of Alisa's exploding head. "That is _abnormal, _I tell you."

We started the third round with Leo suddenly tackling Alisa to the ground, straddling her and starting to punch her face.

"Rapist," I taunted, bumping BB's shoulder.

BB bumped mine back. "Actually, no, Leo's gay, which would make more sense if he had tackled a guy. Like Lars, for example," he observed.

I maneuvered Alisa to kick Leo off. "Leo's gay?" I said.

"Well, yeah," BB said. "I mean, he looks like a girl, _and _he wears a scarf, so."

"Like Mello?"

"Like Mello."

"Hey!" Mello growled from his corner.

I bit back a giggle as I made Alisa give her exploding head to Leo once more. There was the sound of Leo crying out as he hit the ground and K.O.'ed.

"You've gotta stop doing that!" BB muttered, throwing his controller aside. He sighed, rolling over to his back to inspect Mello, who was muttering to himself in his corner. "Are you done yet?" he asked politely.

"What's it look like?" Mello barked out.

"Go get me jam," BB said lazily.

"What's gotten into you that suddenly made you think you can boss me-" Mello started to rant.

"They have chocolate downstairs, too," I supplied. I watched as Mello slowly turned halfway to look at me, calculating eyes taking in my sight. I didn't talk to him too much, just basically followed him around if BB wasn't there(which was most of the time). I was still getting over the fact that Mello wasn't the Mello I saw that day I helped BB, and that Mello, in all actuality, was actually rather hostile and rude. Not that I was complaining. His long hate-rants about Near were always entertaining to listen to.

Mello finally bit his lip, deciding. "Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "I'll get your fuckin' jam and my fuckin' chocolate and try not to shove the whole fuckin' jar down your throat when I come back!" By the end of his threat, Mello was shrieking as he stomped out of his and BB's shared room. The door slammed loudly behind him.

I sighed resignedly, flopping down on their bed. I couldn't believe it had only been a week since I'd met BB; already, we've been acting like we were best friends. I was suspicious that was because everyone was practically a Social Services worker through his eyes. "Is he always like that?" I wondered out loud, for some reason mesmerized by the white ceiling.

"Unless he's with chocolate or asleep-which he does like a brick, by the way- yes, he's very temperamental," BB replied.

There was a silence between us. It wasn't the type where you felt like you needed to say something, it was comfortable and I nearly sighed, just laying there and staring mindlessly at white. Oh, yes, BB and Mello certainly made my life more interesting.

I felt the bed dip as BB climbed on. I was expecting him to lay beside me or something, but instead he s_traddled _me.

"Um, hi?" I tried not to sound as nervous as I felt.

BB leaned in closer until our noses were almost touching. "Look, Matt," he said slowly, "I like you." Blood red eyes were concentrated on my own eyes, and I had to touch my goggles to make sure they were there.

"I...like you too?" I said uncertainly, not really knowing what I _should _say.

BB continued as if I'd never spoken. "I like you," he repeated, "a lot. And I bet," he smiled deviously, "I could make you mine by the end of the month."

* * *

**I solemnly swear not to have be hauled off my lazy ass by BB to update. Sorry for taking so long... *sheepish face***


	3. Mello's Turn

Matt:

"I've got your jam- HOLY BUTT-SHIT!" Mello screamed, entering the room and seeing us.

I squeaked, pushing BB off and successfully rolling onto the floor. I peeped from behind the height of the mattress, staring at Mello, frightened. His eyes were wide, anger and shock displayed freely in green orbs. And was that jealousy...?

"Heh, Mello, I can explain..." I began nervously, toying with the hem of my shirt. Man, this was going to be awkward. 'Your best friend just admitted his liking towards me and has made it a personal goal to make me his by the end of the month. How was your day?' Awkward, indeed.

BB, though, thankfully decided to step in. "I like him," he said bluntly.

Mello blinked, then growled and practically chucked the jam of jar towards the crimson-eyed boy. Beyond caught it swiftly, uncapping the lid and dipping his fingers in the red substance. "Look what you did to him!" Mello said, frowning and pointing at me.

"What?" Beyond Birthday shrugged. "It was your fault. You came in and scared him shitless. You apologize."

"Don't you mean _you _apologize for practically molesting him?" Mello strode over, yanking me up by the arm.

I whispered, "Owie."

Mello ignored me but did loosen his grip. "Don't you remember?" he demanded. "I called dibs on him."

"I called dibs on him in my mind," BB informed him simply.

"You can't do that!" Mello protested.

"But I did."

"B!"

"M!"

The two shared a heated staring contest until Mello groaned in frustration. "Ah, fuck this. C'mon, Mattie, we're going to get hot chocolate."

And apparently, we're getting hot chocolate. Oookay, I'm confused as hell(they called dibs on me?), not to mention I'm about to die of embarrassment. Mello tugged me out of our room, leaving his best friend behind. I caught a glimpse of BB picking up the controller and starting a new game.

"Uhm, Mello?" I mumbled, looking shyly at the blond angel leading me to the kitchen.

Mello froze, turning around. "What?" he grumbled, cheeks turning pink. He turned back away, continuing to stomp to the kitchen with me behind.

"I-I'm confused..." I didn't know what else to say. I opened my mouth to say more, but then suddenly I was pressed into something warm and black. I looked up to see that Mello was hugging me tightly.

"I like you too, Matt," he whispered in my ear. "I know it's weird and all, plus there's a 98.1% chance that B already told you the same thing." He laughed humorlessly. "And I bet he told you something along the lines of getting you to be his by next week."

"By the end of the month, actually," I corrected him. Though I barely knew this boy, I found myself leaning into his touch. Warm Mello... Holy shit. Did I just think that?

_Yes, Matt, yes you did._

Fuck. Who are you?

_Your conscience. The one who's telling you that you should pick Mello over BB._

What the hell! I've only known both of them for, what? A week? You're making me sound like Bella having to pick between Edward and Jacob or something!

_Pick Jacob._

...What?

_Mello. _

Eh? How the fuck is Mello like Jacob?

_He's warm._

Oh. So BB is Edward?

_Yes._

Okay. That's only a _little _weird. Because not only that Mello and BB both have the hots for me, and I'm making references to Twilight, but I'm talking to myself. To my Mello-conscience, evidently. My god, did I just nickname my conscience?

"Matt?" The real Mello was looking at me now, concern in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

I was aware that I had just spaced out. I smiled uncertainly. "The weirdness is sinking in, though otherwise I think I'm fine," I managed to say.

Mello laughed, hugging me to him again. Hm, maybe my Mello-conscience was right. Mello was freakishly warm. "You're so damn cute. Thank god you're- Wait. Or do you..." He stepped back, a questioning look on his face.

I got his unspoken question. "No," I said honestly. "And it's frickin' new to me, because I barely know you two guys and now I'm supposed to choose."

"So why don't I get to know you better?" Mello asked, and suddenly his arms are around my shoulders. "Let's get those hot chocolates, hm?"

I nodded enthusiasticaly. "Okay!" I chirped, forgetting about the dilemma. At that moment, all my brain was coming up with was, _Hot chocolate and Mello...yum... _And, _no, _I do not appreciate you calling me weird. It hurts my sensitive puppy-like feelings, okay? So don't kick me. (insert sniffle here)

Mello's arm tightened around my shoulder and we went to the kitchen like that, attracting stares from other orphans. While half of them seemed disgusted(damn homophobes), there were some girls who gathered in groups, and I could tell that Mello and I were going to have some fangirls...

Mello, meanwhile, was smirking with a sense of superiority, getting two cups of hot chocolate for us. We occupied an empty table near the back of the cafeteria. Mello smiled at me. "So, Matt, what do you want to do afterwards?" he said calmly. His eyes said, _"So, Matt, do you want to prank those orphans who are glaring at us?"_

I nodded, sipping my hot chocolate. My tongue recoiled and I hissed in pain, slamming the styrofoam cup down. Some more hot chocolate spilled on my fingers, causing me to howl rather loudly. Mello chuckled, grabbing my wet digits and taking them into his mouth, sucking the liquid off digit by digit.

"Mmm," he said once he released my hand. "You taste good with chocolate, Matt," he purred, making me blush uncontrollably. There were squeals across the room as our new fangirls somehow heard his comment and caught his actions with a video camera.

Mello grinned, obviously loving the attention. He looked about to say something to me, and I was leaning in to listen, but then the cafeteria doors were shoved open and they banged against the wall, the noise breaching my ears and causing me to flinch. I glanced at the doorway to see who it was, and my heart plummeted.

Yes, it was Beyond Birthday, and he was looking thoroughly pissed. And did I mention he was making his way towards us?

* * *

**It's a bit rushed, and the characters are a little OOC, but that's okay for me. This fic is going to be extreme, complete with BB and Mello doing..._unique _things to get Matt's attention. So, yes, the OOC-ness is needed for that. Besides, do you _really _think Mello would dress up as a french maid in canon?**

**Love,**

**.F**

**PostScript: Yes! BB didn't have to haul me off my ass to update! But now they need to update DNC...WRITE, BB, WRITE! (I'd threaten you with the frying pan, too, but then it won't be your thing anymore.)**

**Post-PostScript: Updates may possibly be affected by Holli-chan and mine's new co-author fic, I Work For Justice. You can go check it out by looking in my Favorite Stories, or find Holli's profile in my Favorite Authors, because the story is under her account. I'm done shamelessly advertising, now. XD Enjoy the rest of your day.  
**


	4. Taking Sides

Matt:

Beyond Birthday's eyes were practically glowing with anger. He stomped over to us, taking a hold of my arm.

Mello acted immediately. "No, he's _mine_!" he shouted, yanking me back towards him. This made the nearby fangirls go wild.

BB scowled. "Not unless I can do anything about it," he said lowly. Another group of fangirls whooped and cheered.

I would have slapped my forehead if my both of my arms weren't currently being ripped out of their sockets. I would have covered my ears too, because suddenly the other kids in the room, mainly girls, started take sides, shouting and screaming each other.

"You heard Mello!" A particular Linda screeched. "Matt is _his_!"

"Mello doesn't own him!" another girl screeched right back. "Matt can pick whoever he wants, and he _will pick BB_!"

"No he won't!" Linda rebelled, grabbing Mello's shoulder and helping him pull.

"Yes he will!" the other girl yelled, grabbing BB's shoulders and helping _him _pull.

The others seemed to catch on. They scrambled to help either Mello or B pull me to their side, while I stayed in the middle, trying hard to to explode to bits and pieces. I loudly cursed out whoever invented tug-of-war, then sighed and just stood there, realizing nothing would really stop these rabid orphans.

"Roger needs to see Matt-kun," said a soft voice.

All screaming ceased and all eyes turned to a white-haired boy who had just entered the room. Near merely blinked at the strange sight in front of him, half of the room behind Mello, the other half behind BB, and me in the center, looking morose.

As soon as Near's words registered in everyone's brains(_slooowly)_, my arms were let go and the pressure disappeared. I glared at everyone over my shoulder as I walked after Near, exiting the cafeteria. "THANK YOU!" I almost shouted once we were outside, throwing my arms around Near and giving him a bear hug. The albino let me, smiling a little as I set him back down on his feet. "So," I said, a little out of breath, "what does Roger want?"

Now Near really smiled. "Nothing."

"Then why-" I began, and slowly realized Near's true intentions. He'd lied...to help me.

Near nodded. "Near knows you are not sharing your room with either Mello or Beyond Birthday, but they will surely attempt to sneak in at some point," he explained. "You may stay in Near's room for the night if you wish."

I stared at him. "You don't like me too, right?" I croaked.

Near shook his head. "Near likes Matt as a friend."

"Okay," I said. "But talk normally, okay? It's creepy if you speak in third person and crap."

"Near will try," Near said, sounding like he didn't really care. "Can we leave now? The many staring faces of girls pressed against the door window's are getting quite uncomfortable." Near gestured, and he was right. The windows were crammed with girls staring, trying to see what we were talking about.

I sighed forlornly. When I said I wanted some excitement in my life, I didn't mean _this _much. "Let's walk past Roger's office just to be safe," I said, but Near was already walking.

-a few minutes later-

I watched as Near made his toy robot shuffle around, listening as he made soft sound effects. He reminded me so much of a little kid.

Without warning, the head of his robot tumbled off and rolled under his bed. Near blinked at me. "Would you mind getting that for Near?" he asked softly.

I nodded, crawling under the bed after the robot part. Damn, robot parts could roll far, I thought as my whole body wiggled underneath. I was reaching out to get it when I heard the door to Near's room open.

"Hello, Beyond," Near said monotonously.

"Have you seen Matt?" Beyond asked.

"Yes. He has red hair and dark blue eyes, unless he's wearing his goggles-"

"Near."

"No, I have not."

There was a moment of silence as BB tried to decide whether Near was telling the truth. "All right." BB closed the door quietly.

I let out a sigh of relief, about to crawl back out, when the door opened again. This time, Near didn't have to greet the person for me to know who it was. "Near!" It was Mello's voice, no doubt, impatient. "Where's Matt?"

"Not here," Near murmured.

"Bullshit!" I wasn't surprised if Mello had grabbed Near by the collar. "You took him to Roger's office!"

"And...?" Near asked, almost tauntingly. "How would that help your haunch that I may have him stowed away somewhere in my room?"

"Y-you," Mello stammered. He growled before storming out of the room, slamming the door shut.

I waited under the bed for another minute before coming out. "Thanks," I said for the second time.

"No problem," Near said, still playing with his robot.

I wondered if he'd known BB and Mello would come in and check if I was here. There was a chance he did. He _was _a genius after all.

"You can occupy that bed," Near said, pointing a finger to an empty bed on the other side of the room.

"Awesome, man." I considered punching his shoulder, though I figured I might tip him over like an iceberg or something. I stayed put.

Later that night, Near had to bring dinner for me. And had to bring the dishes back down. When he came back, I finally asked him why he was being so nice. He stared at me. "I want to be your adviser."


	5. Mello Decides to Crossdress

Matt:

"Near," I whispered in the middle of night.

On the other side of the room, Near looked up from his puzzle. He gave me a quizzical look.

"I need to pee," I told him.

Near cringed. "The bathroom is right down the hall, Matt. I'm sure you don't need to alert me of your...bladder's needs." He turned away, back to his puzzle. "Also, please keep in mind our little rules, Matt."

I nodded, obediently listing them in my head:

Rule #1: Never, ever be caught alone in a room with Mello or BB.

Rule #2: Never show any favor towards either Mello or BB, otherwise the other's 'supporters' will attack me.

Rule #3: During lunch, I should sit with Near, seeing as Mello won't come anywhere close to him, and he creeps BB out.

Rule #4: Never approach BB or Mello first.

Rule #5: I shall call Near my Master.

Okay, I'm just joking about the fifth one.

Anyway, I peeked outside the room first, making sure there was no Mello or BB, following one of the several over rules. Once the coast was clear, I walked out, closed the door behind me, and headed for the bathroom about five doors down.

On my way there, I had to pass by Mello's and BB's room. Lucky for me, it seemed like no one was there, so I hurried past.

Once I, ahem, had 'relieved' myself, I washed my hands and began walking back to Near's room. I froze in the middle of the hallway, seeing the door to Mello and BB's room. The crack under the slab of wood was yellow, meaning the lights were on and someone was in there. And apparently, sobbing very loudly.

I identified the sobs as Mello's.

I admit it: I can't follow rules worth shit, even if it depended on my life. Completely ignoring Rule #4, I walked to the door and hesitantly knocked. "Mello?" I inquired softly. Mello might be a little insane and all, but I can_not _stand it when people cry. I always get the urge to comfort them.

"W-what?" Mello demanded from the other side, his voice wavering.

"What's wrong?" I asked innocently.

A sniffle. "BB and I got into a fight and he called me fat," Mello replied crossly. I could hear the pout in his voice.

The whole situation forgotten, I said, "He lies! You're not fat at all!"

"Yes I am," Mello said sadly. "It's from all of those chocolate bars I eat. I should stop-"

"You can't!" I cut in persistently. "You won't be Mello then."

The door was opened a crack and Mello peered out at me. "I'm fat. You just haven't seen me lately."

"I saw you this morning," I said blankly. "You didn't look fat."

"I am!" Mello tried to convince me. "Do you wanna see?"

That was when I finally realized that this could be a trap. I slowly backed away. "N-no thanks, Near's probably wondering where I am, so I really should-"

"Oh, you're staying with Near?" Mello asked conversationally.

Shit. "I have to go," I said quickly, turning around to flee.

"Wait, Matt." Mello caught my arm, pulling me towards him. "I want you to look at me first and tell me if I'm really fat or not."

When I turned, he was grinning triumphantly. My eyes went downwards, widening on the way as I found out that he was wearing a Japanese maid's outfit.

Quite frankly, he looked sexy as hell.

"N-not fat," I managed, trying to wriggle away. "Now I have to go, because um, I promised Near that I'd help him with his puzzle and he's my friend, too, so I really don't wanna disappoint him and- Mello? What are you- Mmm..." I was cut off by his lips molding against mine.

I whined in protest, and I swear I reached up to push him away. But _somehow _my hands tangled themselves in his soft golden hair, tugging him closer.

My back hit the wall.

No way out.

We kissed for a full five minutes until Near cleared his throat. I squeaked, face flushing in embarassment as I tried to disappear. Mello was glaring at the albino. "Fuck off," he growled.

"Actually, I came to remind Mello that curfew is in three minutes, and if Roger finds you here in that costume, he will force you into unconsensual sex," Near said evenly.

Mello paled and went stiff and I took the cue to duck out from under his arms. Near and I went back to his room, and before closing the door, he said casually, "Well, why do you think he gave you that chocolate bar on your second day here?"

The door slammed on Mello's angry face.

"Wow." I whistled. "How'd you know all of that?"

"I have my ways," Near answered. "I would appreciate if Matt wouldn't be so weak towards Mello's and BB's advances."

I mumbled a sorry. "Well now Mello knows I'm staying here," I told Near with a sigh.

"I'll think of something." Near climbed on to his bed. "I would like to sleep now."

"Oh." I shrugged. "Good night then." I turned off the lights and got into my own bed. "Near?" I asked sometime later.

"Hm?" came the reply.

"...Does Roger really want to have sex with Mello?" I whispered loudly.

Through the darkness, I saw Near crack a smile. "60% chance." And he went to sleep.

* * *

**0.0**


	6. The Pink Incident

Matt:

"Is this the best you can do?" I heard BB yell the next morning. With a surprised yelp, I jolted upwards, then promptly fell off of the bed and went sprawling on the floor. Near was already up and working at his puzzle again. Sheesh, it's like the guy never sleeps.

I gestured my head to the door, silently asking him whether or not it was okay to look outside. Near nodded, so I walked over and cracked the door open three inches wide, in time to see BB storm past in a flurry of pink.

Pink?

Stifling a giggle, I opened the door wider to see him terrorize a few innocent orphans staring. Then Mello appeared at the end of the hall with the usual chocolate bar in his mouth, and things went downhill from there.

BB growled, and I watched as he yanked the chocolate bar from Mello's hand, throw it down on the carpeted floor, and smash it with his bare foot.

The other children looking gasped scandalously, while all I could think of was, _That's going to be a bitch to get out of the carpet._

"What the _fuck_ is your problem?" Mello demanded, seemingly more concerned about his chocolate than the fact that his best friend, and I guess rival, was wearing pink clothes. "You don't see me running around and bashing your jam all over the wall!"

"Yeah, and you don't see me dying my best friend's clothes and hair pink, either!" BB retorted. Oh, yeah, that was the other thing. His normally black hair was now light pink.

I opened the door wider to let Near see.

"I didn't do that," Mello said lowly.

I heard someone whisper, "Ooh, he's pissed."

"Ten bucks they're going to start fighting and BB's going to win," another whispered back.

"No way! Haven't you seen how hard Mello kicks the ball in soccer?"

"Yeah, but haven't you seen BB's knuckles? They're bony, they'd probably hurt like hell."

"Then _who _did it?" BB said, almost in hysterics.

"I don't know!" Mello snapped. "Maybe that group of girls over there with the 'Go Mello' t-shirts, high-fiving each other and whispering about some kind of plan?"

At this, BB whirled to face said group. The six girls immediately hushed, looking back up at him with big fearful eyes. I had to stifle a chuckle as Beyond Birthday began to curse them out. As the leader of the group stepped up to mouth off also(I think I need to brush my ears...), I looked around at the scene and somehow caught Mello's eyes.

The image of him in that costume from the previous night flashed into my brain and I yelped, slamming the door shut just as he began walking towards me.

Near rubbed his nose gingerly, giving me a pout. "Sorry," I said abashedly, clapping his back.

"Near would like to get back to his puzzle," Near announced quietly, turned, and padded back towards his bed.

I stood there for a few moments, for the umpteenth time wondering how the hell this was all going to work out.

_Just pick BB, _a tiny voice whispered.

Let me guess, you're the voice that's now going to tell me to pick BB.

_Yes_.

I sighed tiredly.

I'm going insane, I swear. I'm sounding like that fucking Bella and- Hey, Mr. Voice-thingy?

_What? And don't call me that. It's so tacky.  
_

Sorry. My other voice said Mello's Jacob. Does that mean BB is Edward?

_Yes._

But that's not fair! Edward looks like an ape, but BB is...

_BB's what? _the little voice snickered.

Beyond's...almost...damn it, he's almost beautiful, okay, even if he has jam stains all over him all the time.

_Kyahahaha! If only my twin was here! _the voice said triumphantly.

_I _am _here, asshat, _an additional voice piped up.

Note how these two sound like Mello and BB. Dear god, I need to get a therapist...

_You heard him! _my BB-conscience hissed. _He called BB beautiful!_

_No, he used the term 'almost.' _Mello-consience again. _Matt doesn't hesitate to call me pretty._

And so the two voice argued.

BB-conscience: _That makes you sound gay._

Mello-conscience: _I am gay, smart one._

BB-conscience: _Why, thank you._

Mello-conscience: _Oh shut up. Or have you forgotten that we're both second?_

BB-conscience: _For your information, I have photographic memory. I couldn't have forgotten that._

Mello-conscience: _You're a part of Matt's imagination! You don't even have eyes!_

BB-conscience: _Just wait, when they let me take my form, I'll scare the shit outta you with my eyes!_

Mello-conscience: _You don't need your eyes, you can just flash me your face._

BB-conscience: _Why you little son of a-_

"Matt?" Near asked, tilting his head to the side.

I jerked my head up, blinking. "Huh?" I guess I got too caught up with my consciences' argument.

"Twice I've asked you if you're ready to go down to get breakfast," Near said. "I don't hear anyone outside, so I've deducted that it's safe."

Leave it to Near to speak sophisticated at this early in the morning. But one look at the clock told me it was eleven o'clock already. Shit, I wonder if they're still serving pancakes... "Let's go then," I said, grabbing a pencil off of Near's desk. You know, just in case I need self-defending.

"Matt," Near called just as I was halfway out of the room.

"Yeah?" I said, busy studying the wall. Someone had taped a piece of paper next to Near's door. It read, _Please pick BB! _in scratchy letters, and I figured one of the younger orphans had done it. Damn, so maybe those BB fangirls were smarter than I thought. How did they know that little kids were my weakness?

When I looked at Near, he turned to look at the floor with some interest. "Matt is not wearing any pants."

I looked down at myself. "_Oh_." With a mortified blush, I dove back into the room and slammed the door shut.


End file.
